slenclerman:

reasons to date me:
-i can pick stuff up with my feet sometimes
-ive never killed a man (yet)
-i once got 95% on guitar hero
-you can play with my hair
-im cheaper than a puppy

friskygrandma:

I!!!DONT!!!WANNA!!!CARE!!!ABOUT!!!MY!!!WEIGHT!!!BUT!!!I!!!DO!!!

if robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money id just laugh and search with them

octupac:

hi someone give me $1000 to buy cute clothes thanks 

porndirector:

i’d be so attractive if i was attractive